16
Jun
11

It’s too bad Cat Stevens is a terrorist

Seriously, it kind of bums me out.  How can the man who sang Wild World and Morning Has Broken now be one of these Islamist assbags?  Unfortunately I like these songs and am forced to make a weird decision every time they come on the radio.  Do I listen to this beautiful song and support this freak or turn it off and sacrifice my own self-enjoyment?  All this killing in the name of religion shit is starting to get on my nerves.  Why can’t everyone just chill out?

Man though, this is some good shit, even if he does stone women to death now. Cause when it comes to being lucky she’s cursed/ when it comes to loving me she’s worse/ But, when it comes to being loved she’s first…that’s how I know.

So I have a few things to talk about today.  People have been killing me this week and I am on the verge of blowing up.  Instead of going out and beating a homeless person tonight, I’ve decided to release my frustration at humanity in this post.  I’m at a coffee shop right now and I went up to order a tea.  I don’t know, I don’t drink coffee and Katherine tells me I have to buy something to sit here.  The girl asks what kind of tea?  Lipton, I say, right, that’s a tea.  This doesn’t go over too well and she hands me a list with about 23 different teas on it.  As I search for a word I understand, I hear a huff from behind me.  I turn around and this little girl of about seven is impatiently looking at me.  Would you like to go? I say, as she is already passing me to the counter.  I’d like a raspberry frappuccino with mountain mist milk and sprinkles of leprechaun organs.  What the fuck did she just say?  Aren’t you like seven? I said to her with my eyes, how do you even know what that is?  Go play Barbies or something, Raspberry Frappuccino, how about a coloring book you little freak?  Anyway, I ordered a “Snow Leopard” tea, then sat to write.

I also have a problem lately with bumper stickers.  Sports teams or schools aside, what makes you think I give a shit about your opinion?  This guy on my block has a few that I really hate.  First, War Is Not The Answer.  Of course, the “answer” is not listed next to this. Next to this sticker, he has the classic, Question Authority.  This coming from a guy who drives a maroon minivan.  Hey bro, before you tell me what to do why don’t you question your wife for making you get that van? But I take these stickers for what they really are: desperate dying grasps at his youth when he once told a cop at a Dave Mathews concert that it was his right to stand whereever he wanted to.  Ah paper rebels, slogans with no heart.

Another thing that is making me moody is, is it just me but are people working at grocery and department stores not that helpful?  When did this all happen?  Is the world around us just a bunch of morons.  I mean Christ.  I’m buying some soccer balls to take to my future African friends and I asked the guy at Target the mind-bending question Where is your sports department?  Now I know I was being lazy as they have the signs hanging from the ceiling, but I was having a busy day and had about 12 minutes to spare.  Plus, this guy was just leaning on a cart talking to two other people in bright red shirts. Literally, it was like I asked him to recite the third Canto of Byron’s Child Harold’s Pilgrimage.  This guy became distraught, walkie-talkies were involved. I left him frothing at the mouth and on the verge of an epileptic seizure.  Now, I’m no business tycoon, but if I were him, I might spend my eight hours a day learning the layout and products of what I’m selling.  Why aren’t people taking a little pride it what they do?  Shit, when I was a busboy, I tried to do my job better everyday.  I would have been the best busboy at the place if it wasn’t for my friend Jose who could practically clear four tables at a time using one limb per table.  He was also my unofficial Mexican doctor and healed many an ailment with either Tequila, jalapeno or lime.  Seriously, that guy was like a medical MacGyver .  I just expect for people to put some effort into their job.  This is a free country, if you hate your job, leave it.  But don’t stay on and make my experience miserable.  I work hard for my money and value my experience when I’m spending it.

Speaking of spending money, what the fuck is up with razors?  Now, we can make a bomb that can kill whole cities at once but we can’t make a BIC that will last longer than a week?  The worst part is, these things are more expensive than diamonds.  What’s my portfolio look like?  It looks like shit due to the fact that I have to spend 60 bucks a month on Mach 13’s super sonics for me and my girl.

One last thing.  Gas stations.  If I run for office I will make it mandatory that if your gas station bathroom is out-of-order, so is your gas station until the bathroom is fixed.  I mean Christ, I’m bleeding out a first born for a tank of unleaded and your bathroom’s closed? It’s not like you have too much going on there.  I mean, your selling Mountain Dew, slinging gas, and having people take a leak.  These people act as if I’m asking them to round me up a few Thoroughbred colts for the weekend.  No, our bathroom is out of order.  Oh, so you mean to tell me that half of this 300 square foot place is non-operational.  I mean, it’s not like they’re in charge of the upkeep on grounds at the Palace of Versailles.

Rowing two very pretty girls on the lake, Versailles in the backround. That's how I roll...or row

Katherine and my favorite German Anja aka Z-German on the lake at Versailles

If I’m paying top dollar for some bullshit gas you’d better have a decent, functional bathroom.  Also, I love when they tell me they don’t have a restroom.  Really? I say, That’s crazy that you have to stand here all day and not use the bathroom.  They usually look uncomfortable, either from my comment or they really have been holding their wiz in for the last five hours.

On a lighter note my working out is going great.  We are doing another Triathlon on July 24th so I really should start training harder.  I’ve been hitting Trent’s hard every week and starting tomorrow I am going to be on an intense diet of protein and vegetables and cut out some of the nasty shit I eat.

(Going along with the nasty theme.  As I sit here and try to pump this out, I have some 65-year-old lady sitting at the table next me talking about how she loves watching porn and using toys with her lovers.  Not even my headphones can block out the nastiness dribbling out of her mouth.  Five more minutes of this and she is going to have a steady stream of Snow Leopard tea leaving my mouth into her face.  Come on lady, there are kids that drink frappuccinos in this place.)

Coming back to Trent, he is sponsoring an event for our wounded soldiers that have come back from the wastelands of the Middle East.  Basically, people are raising money and doing push ups for this great cause.  Now I’ve promised myself that I would never use this blog to try to sell shit, but I think you all know how deeply I feel for our heroes.  The biggest regret of my life thus far has been not signing up for the U.S. Army after college.  Out of fear or selfishness I cannot decide, but I headed to the beach as these boys and girls headed to hell.  It is embarrassing and has left a chink in my armor.  Anyway, Trent’s event is going to be amazing.  He has the local fire and police forces coming down to participate as well as a group from our workouts.  Of course it is the day after we leave for Africa so unless I can get on Skype in time, I will be left only to donate.  Please take a look at it and if you have a 10 spot lying around feel free to donate.  I’m sure those boys and girls, and their families, will appreciate it. Click here to check out and donate if possible to the Wounded Warriors pushups for charity.

 

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2 Responses to “It’s too bad Cat Stevens is a terrorist”


  1. 1 Megan
    June 17, 2011 at 5:20 am

    Mike – I love reading this! I can actually hear the words coming out of your Philly disgruntled mouth. Have an amazing trip and make sure to report back all the details. Love, Megan

  2. June 17, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Mike, you are a friggin riot. Lovin’ the blog. Great minds think alike….


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