20
Apr
11

Compete in the global market? shit, we can’t even return shopping carts back to the store

First off, spring is here and I got my mojo back.  Also, I ran into my priest the other day and although he said he was very proud and enjoyed reading my blog, he said there was too much cursing.  Father, you might want to skip this post.

Me Mojo

Today is day 110 of not drinking and I am a cranky bugger.  I have two weeks left until the big triathlon and my freedom to drink is restored.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not really frothing at the mouth to get shit bagged, but this was a tough weekend.

As a loving husband who supports his wife, I was happy to oblige when she asked me to chaperone with her this weekend on a trip to Disneyland.  To chaperone these days, you need to get fingerprinted and a TB test.  A TB test? Really, who the hell am I, Doc Holliday?  I have mentioned several times how much I hate needles.  With Africa, my March cavities and now this damn TB test, I am over getting shot with shit.  And these nurses, Oh, this won’t hurt, literally giggle while they stab my body.  It’s gross, and a sadistic profession.

Needles, needles, everywhere.

In support of my wife, I found myself getting stuck again.

Katherine has been a little annoyed with me.  Because of my recent “clarity” of mind, and maybe a little exhaustion, I have been short-tempered with my fellow American’s.  It started the weekend before when I was suckered into going to Costco.  I deal with people all week, and am not really a big fan of crowds on the weekend,  but Katherine has these brown eyes that I would follow to the edge of the world, so I found myself at Costco.

Costco is a mess.  We arrive to literally a gladiator battle for parking spots.  People, the 17 pounds of laundry detergent for 17 bucks is not going anywhere.  I will try not to lecture here and I will be on my best behavior when being judgemental, but Jeez.  You want to lose confidence in your country, spend 30 minutes at Costco.  First, what is up with the people wearing the fucking medical masks?  Is this a new trend?  Is there something I don’t know about?  If you are sick, get out of here.  If you are worried I am sick and would rather look like an idiot with that mask on to save yourself from a little flu, then fine, I will just mock you.  Second, I am not a dietitian, but buying 200 diet Cokes’ is probably not going to help you lose that extra weight.  Stop lying to yourself — just buy a Coke.

Costco pisses me off too.  They are selling a baby grand piano there for 3000.00.  Really? Who the fuck do they think they are, Harrods of London?  A piano next to the trash bag aisle. I mean shit, talk about taking the romance out of life.  Do we really need the convenience of buying our diapers and our coffins in the same shop? The long aisles over-stuffed with products meant to overstuff Americans.  I was half expecting a little man of the Orient to jump out and sell me a Mogwai.  This place was hell and I was brimming over with American-Psycho-like disgust as we left.  As we walked to our car, I tried to put the experience behind me.  We were even joking pulling out of our parking spot, but then I stopped.  I watched this lady for about 90 seconds as she tried to stuff her shopping cart into the bushes that separated a line of parked cars.  I couldn’t believe this moron.  The cart return was about 30 yards away and she would have been finished by now if she would have just walked it back.  Instead, this matron of America’s future was using all her energy to be lazy.   I pulled the car slowly beside her in preparation for a verbal drive by and rolled down the passenger window.  Excuse me, I said.  She looked back.  That cart doesn’t go in the bushes.  What?  She looked surprised.  The carts go up there, Lazy, I said and was forced to pull away for fear of Katherine decapitating me with her nail file.  There was silence the whole ride home, with a salty comment or two about me throwing my gum on the ground like a year ago or some shit.  I kept thinking about other countries and how in some parts of the world women carry water miles on their head to survive.  My countrymen, and women, have become so self-involved that I look around society and am scared.  How can we compete in the global market, when we can’t even muster up the energy and discipline to return our shopping carts?  When did we all become so self-entitled, so unconcerned for everyone else, so lazy and dependent? Guess what my friends, look at some other countries, Korea, China, Brazil.  These countries our quickly approaching global influence just by doing what we used to do.  Hard work.

Now I am not trying to sound like an elitist, sexist, marxist or any “ist,” but come on America, get off your cell phones, slow down your cars, and take some damn pride in yourself and your country.  Despite what is fed into your head every night on the nightly news you are better than that.

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