Week #2 down, I’m getting grumpy.

I had a big week this week. To be quite honest, by Friday I was pretty exhausted.  By Saturday, I woke up a grumpy wanker. Monday night I had my first photography class.  It was pretty awesome.  Our instructor’s name is Reiko; he’s much older than me but seems really hip and fresh. I have taken classes before at the local adult school; it’s always the same: me and twenty-nine senior citizens.  There is always the class clown, who was funny in like 1930 but now his pranks take so long that everyone just giggles in sympathy. There is the suave class flirt, who dresses up specifically for class. The elderly woman who can’t hear shit and always makes the teacher repeat their instructions five times. And the Guy, you know the Guy, the guy who acts like he knows more than the professor.  He is constantly interrupting only to be bitch-slapped back into place with the correct answer or pronunciation, to which he responds by frantically searching through his book or notes in order to save face.  These are the types I found myself once again surrounded by — I didn’t mind.

I am really excited about this class for a few reasons.  I love photography, Katherine and I are going to Africa this summer, and frankly this stimulation of my mind is a welcome relief from all the physical training I’ve gotten myself into.  The class is two hours long and I was really getting into what he was saying and where it looks like he is going to take this class.  Reiko was trying to get to know us by asking us questions about ourselves and what type of photos we like to take. Each week we will bring in our assignments to share with the class.  It was the first night of class so everyone, besides The Guy, was acting timid and shy.  Reiko went over our first assignment which is to take two pictures with an ISO 100 of anything we like, anything we want to learn how to photograph. He gave us some suggestions; food, landscapes, people, nudes, pornography….  My ears perked up, nudes? Pornography?  I thought back to my junior year of high school when me and my buddy Dave Mills talked two girls into posing nude for us in the guise of “art.” Shit, that was awesome.  Anyway, my mind started wandering, I’ll take nudes, that would be great, Katherine would beat me, and now I’m divorced. That was my thought process.  As I sat there, trying to find a way to talk my wife into accepting my “art,” I heard “nude” and “pornography” again.  Then again.  I looked up and Reiko had the room of blue hairs discussing the types of nudes and the difference between pornography and nudes.  Whoa, whoa, whoa Senor Reiko I thought.  Let us not getting fucking ahead of ourselves. We have to share our work and there is no way I want to spend the next fucking nine weeks looking at granny porn.  I looked around the room at the crooked smiles, all edged back into their sexual awakenings by fucking Reiko.  We were dismissed, and as I filed out behind all those sagging asses, I shuddered and quickly walked to my car.

Tuesday was my first competitive swimming class.  The pool is fucking outside.  I did not know this, and unfortunately, after living out here for ten years, fifty-five degrees at night is cold for me.  After the initial shock of knowing that I am in for a cold night I looked around.  The class was huge, about sixty students of all ages from their early twenties to their seventies.  I was talking to another student when these two California blondes walked up.  Now don’t get me wrong, my wife is smoking.But as a boy you are taught to hunt, and those instincts never fully dissipate. So I was thinking to myself, well at least there are some cute blondes in this class to pal around with.  Girls always make things better so I can deal with the cooler water temp and make this work.  They went into the dressing room and some dude I was talking to looked at me and said “hotties.”  I smiled and thought how much different this was going to be than my photography class, girls in bathing suits, ahhh.  As I was lost in thought two shapes approached from the girls locker room.  What the fuck was this?  I looked at my new friend, he looked at me.  Where did the two blondes go?  They had left and now Bert and fucking Ernie were walking towards us.  One-piece bathing suits, swim caps, goggles, really?  Someone is playing a fucking joke right?  The two girls transformed into the grandmothers from the night before.  I jumped into the water to wash it all away.

By Thursday I had had my ass handed to me.  Between Trent bringing me to the point of almost crapping myself at boot camp that morning with something called Tabata squats, to a long day of work, the exhaustion of the week was starting to catch up with me. Friday came and we went out to dinner with my aunt who is visiting and Katherine’s parents.  We went for Korean and as I arrived I saw her dad had already started and had a big ass glistening Korean beer in his hand.  I swear it could have been a beer commercial, the room was hot, the noise, the smells and all I could see was that fucking delicious-looking beer, perspiration running down its side like a supermodel walking out of the ocean.  My mouth was watering. It has been two full weeks without a beer and I am getting a little testy.



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